And my thoughts fly apart

"And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all those years?
My heart is stone, and still it trembles.
The world I have known is lost in shadow."

(Start watching at 1:55:36.)

Sigh. I'm not quite to the point Javert is, but I still have a lot of figuring things out / growing up to do. I have my mind and my heart telling me two very different things, and it's hard to know which one to listen to. IS it one or the other or both, in a way I can't see clearly yet?
Prayer is helping, but I have to be patient with that, as with everything else. Maybe I should just try harder be patient with myself, but that's the hardest thing of all to try to do.
Talking is helping, even if I sound ridiculous to myself.
Blogging is helping.
Sorting my flying-apart thoughts is helping.
But I have a long way to go, and a lot of help to come before my thoughts can come back together coherently.