The following is a research paper I wrote for a class using both Social Science research results and LDS opinions on equal partnership in marriage.
Introduction
The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (1995) Equal partnership can be a huge blessing to a family and will add strength to a marriage. Promises from prophets and findings of social science testify of this. This paper explores the definition of equal partnership in marriage, how to achieve equal partnership, and some of the benefits of equal partnership. Equal partnership is an essential aspect of marriage, and its achievement is possible by every couple willing to work for the numerous blessings that come from equal partnership.
Equal Partnership Defined
According to the teachings of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, equality is not the same as identity. Elder Ballard taught, “Men and women joined together in marriage need to work together as a full partnership. However, a full and equal partnership between men and women does not imply the roles played by the two sexes are the same in God’s grand design for His children” (2006). As seen in the paragraph of the Proclamation quoted above, men and women have very different roles. Each of the stewardships are important and sacred to God, but do not imply that one is greater or less than the other. Rather, “each is essential for the spiritual progression of all family members, parents and children alike,” as Elder Ballard taught (2006). Since the beginning of the human family on the earth, God has made it clear that an equal partnership is part of His plan for His children. Eve was a help-meet for Adam. Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “The original Hebrew for meet means that Eve was adequate for, or equal to, Adam. She wasn’t his servant or his subordinate” (2007).
Interdependence is a crucial part of making a marriage an equal partnership. Elder Hafen made this poetic statement, “Spouses are not a soloist with an accompanist, nor are they two solos. They are the interdependent parts of a duet, singing together in harmony at a level where no solo can go” (2007). As spouses grow closer together, they grow closer to God, which strengthens their marriage. As they learn to rely on each other, they learn to rely on God, and become interdependent with Him as well. Becoming interdependent teaches spouses to truly become partners in their family.
Social Science research also comments on equal partnership in marriages. From the Equality in Marriage organization, “We believe marriage is a lifelong commitment, built on a partnership in which the spouses are equal. Strengthening that partnership should be the couple's number one priority. Marriage is an on-going process. As your relationship grows and changes, make sure that one constant is equality” (“Encouraging Equality,” n.d.). While many studies focus on developing a healthy marriage, many are quick to agree that equal partnership is a crucial facet. From a website with many resources for the family, “Equality in a relationship has many dynamics. Essentially, for a partnership to be healthy, both parties have to feel equally valued in relation to emotions, lifestyle, finances and objectives”(“The Equality Equation,” n.d.).
Achieving Equal Partnership
How do two spouses achieve an equal partnership? Like all things in marriage, it takes time and lots of work. Elder Hafen said, “Temple marriage covenants do not magically bring equality to a partnership. Those covenants commit us to a developmental process of learning and growing together—by practice” (2007). In an address to married couples, Gordon B. Hinckley suggested four cornerstones for marriage as equal partners (1984):
1. Mutual respect.
2. Communication
3. Financial Honesty
4. Prayer
The first cornerstone, mutual respect, is backed by a statement in Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, “Emotionally intelligent husbands have figured out the one big thing: how to convey honor and respect. All spiritual views of life are consistent with loving and honoring your spouse. And that’s what accepting influence is all about” (1999). As couples work towards making those four cornerstones real, solid foundations in their marriage, they can achieve equal partnership.
Other social science researchers have found that developing a deep, lasting commitment to each other strengthens an equal partner marriage. Markman, in Fighting for Your Marriage, said “Most important, marital teams succeed only when each member does his or her part. We’re asking you to think about what you contribute to your marriage, to focus on what you put in rather than on what you get out of the relationship” (2010) .
An organization focused on equality in marriage made several suggestions related to commitment to an equal partnership (“Encouraging Equality,” n.d.):
1. Put in writing that your marriage is an equal partnership and keep that agreement current.
2. Hold family assets like real estate and bank accounts jointly.
3. Know and understand each and every aspect of your financial lives.
4. Know and be able to appreciate what the other does - whether it is raising children or razing buildings.
5. Respect and honor life choices made by each other.
6. Make time to talk frankly about your finances and your feelings no matter how pressured daily life becomes.
Cortney Dixon, in a chapter of Successful Marriages and Families focused on expectations of an equal partnership in marriage. She suggested that spouses expect equality, but be aware of their expectations, reasonable in their expectations, and clearly express their expectations. Spouses should help his or her partner with complementary responsibilities and strive to do his or her best (2012).
Benefits of Equal Partnership
As couples strive to achieve an equal partnership, they may choose to follow the suggestions given in the previous section. The most important thing is that they commit to each other to do their best. They should continue to work patiently and unceasingly, because it does take time. The hard work is worth it, however. Social science has documented the benefits of equal partnership as it contributes to a healthy marriage. A few of these blessings are shown below.
Equal partnership helps make a marriage healthy. From an article written by Adrian Selle, “Equal partnership fosters closeness between husband and wife, resulting in a stronger and happier marriage. Spouses feel better about themselves and each other, which makes them more likely to share their thoughts and feelings. Couples with an equal partnership also report more stability in their marriage, less conflict, less dependency, and less resentment. Researcher John Gottman found that husbands who accept their wives' influence are four times less likely to divorce or have an unhappy marriage” (“Equal Partnership,” n.d.).
Besides lowering the divorce rate, men and women benefit individually from an equal partnership. Studies show that men who are in healthy marriages live longer, are physically and emotionally healthier, have more stable employment, decreased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, less likely to attempt suicide, and have a better relationship with their children, to name just a few benefits (“Benefits,” n.d.). Selle attempts to explain why these benefits occur, “Men benefit emotionally from equal partnership because there is greater openness and they feel better about their marriage. They also benefit from the greater physical intimacy that comes with equal partnership. Physical intimacy improves physical health and reduces stress. Men in happy marriages also are more productive at work because they are less distracted by concerns at home.”
Women’s benefits from healthy marriages are similar to those of men. Studies show that women in healthy marriages have a more satisfying relationship, are emotionally and physically healthier, wealthier, less likely to attempt suicide, have better relationships with their children, and have a decreased risk of drug and alcohol abuse (“Benefits,” n.d.). Selle focuses on the benefits specifically from an equal partnership, “The closer communication and emotional intimacy in an equal partnership greatly benefit women. Research shows that having an equal say in decision making is the most important contributor to wives’ perception of their marriages as happy and satisfying. Wives are happier when their husbands appreciate them for the work they do in the home and when their husbands are copartners in home matters. They feel better about themselves, are less angry or depressed, feel their relationship is more fair, and are more happy with their marriage” (“Equal Partnership,” n.d.).
Children in a family where the parents are equal partners reap many benefits. Selle notes that children need both of their parents because each parent has different roles. She says, “Children benefit when both fathers and mothers are actively involved in their lives. Research shows that mothers and fathers have independent effects on their children, so when only one parent is actively involved the child misses out” (“Equal Partnership,” n.d.). Research shows that children who are raised by parents in healthy marriages are more likely to attend college and succeed academically, are physically and emotionally healthier, are less likely to attempt suicide, less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol, and less likely to be sexually active as teenagers, and are less likely to be raised in poverty (“Benefits,” n.d.).
Strong, healthy families characterized by equal partnership in the marriage contribute to the community around them. Those communities with a higher percentage of healthy marriages have higher rates of physically and emotionally healthy citizens, higher rates of educated citizens, lower crime statistics, lower teen age pregnancy rates, higher property values, and higher rates of home ownership (“Benefits,” n.d.).
In summary, not only do equal partner marriages promote healthy family life, but they also strengthen individual men and women, the children in the family, and the communities in which they are found. The blessings promised by prophets of God are really there. Some of these blessings have been found as benefits in the results of studies conducted by social science researchers.
Conclusion
Equal Partnership benefits marriages, individuals, and communities. Spouses can develop an equal partnership, most importantly by simply doing his or her best. Equal partnership is not the same as identity; spouses have very different roles as husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. Achieving an essential equal partnership is attainable, and definitely worth the work.
References
Ballard, M.R. (March 1, 2006). The Sacred Responsibilities of Parenthood. Ensign, March 2006. Retrieved from http://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/03/the-sacred-responsibilities-of-parenthood?lang=eng&query=equal+partnership.
Dixon, C.D. (2012). Achieving an Equal Partnership . Successful Marriages and Families. Hawkins, A. J., & Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. W. (Eds.) United States of America: BYU School of Family Life.
Equality in Marriage Institute. No Date. Encouraging Equality in Marriage Retrieved from http://www.equalityinmarriage.org/dmbuild.html.
Equality in Marriage Institute. No Date. The Equality Equation: Are You In An Equal Partnership?. Retrieved from http://www.familyresource.com
Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown Publishers.
Hafen, B.C. (August 1, 2007). Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners. Ensign, August 2007. Retrieved from http://www.lds.org/liahona/2007/08/crossing-thresholds-and-becoming-equal-partners?lang=eng&query=equal+partnership.
Hinckley, G. B. (April, 1984).Make Marriage a Partnership. News of the Church, April 1984. Retrieved from http://www.lds.org/ensign/1984/04/news-of-the-church/make-marriage-a-partnership-couples-counseled-at-fireside?lang=eng&query=equal+partnership.
Hinckley, G. B., Monson, T. S., Faust, J. E.,...& Eyring, H. B. (September 23, 1995). The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Retrieved from http://www.lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng
Hudson, V. M., & Miller, R. B. (2012). “Equal Partnership between Men and Women.” Successful Marriages and Families. Hawkins, A. J., & Dollahite, D. C., & Draper, T. W. (Eds.) United States of America: BYU School of Family Life.
Markman, H.J. Stanley. S.M. & Blumberg, S.L. (2010). Fighting for your Marriage. (3rd ed.) San Francisco, CA: Joseey-Bass. 23.
Selle, A. “Equal Partnership in Marriage”. http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=37
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families. Benefits of Healthy Marriages. No Date. Retrieved from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html
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